Day 3 – Where Are You Heading To?

I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy.

Dalai Lama

Today I welcome you with great joy. If yesterday’s breath was deep because I was going to talk about something that doesn’t motivate me, but I knew it was an important step in preparing your journey toward love, today I take a deep inspiration filled with happiness because I smile with all my soul, thinking about the other catalyst for your success. Are you wondering why I’m talking about your success? This book shows you, step by step, how what seemed impossible becomes possible. Together we study how we can put aside everything that is between the current you and the you that has reached her destination. This book is meant to draw your attention to many important issues that were previously overlooked because they seemed irrelevant.

A message that appears on cars’ mirrors gave me lots of headache while trying to understand the meaning and its translation (in Romanian): “Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear”. I think the translation in Romanian on the mirrors is different, so I spent a lot of time trying to understand the meaning of the idea that the objects in the mirror are closer. When I wrote this chapter I said that objects in the mirror are closer than in reality. A friend pointed out to me that things are the other way around – objects, in reality, are closer than they look in the mirror. One thing is for sure – the image in the mirror is distorted, it does not accurately reflect reality. As a safety precaution, I know that when I park my car, if I have a car or a wall in the rearview mirror, the actual distance to the object is much greater than the one I see in the mirror. I see the objects in the rearview mirror closer than they really are. Thus, the driver stops in time, keeping a safe distance. Starting from this idea, together we will put a magnifying glass on all the important aspects of your life to keep a safe distance.

Until the safety part we have to wait a little bit more, because today we are still working on preparations. Days are passing by so quickly, yet I am still thinking we need to make some more preparations before we set off. I am looking carefully at all details, and when I do a job, it is important for me to know that everything is ready, so that the journey is as pleasant as possible. What I choose to share with you comes from my own experience. I gathered the things that ensured my success, so that by simply copying my actions, you have the guarantee of your own success. Each step has its place in this journey, and I am here to motivate you throughout it and to encourage you to already visualize what your life will look like when you finish reading the book and applying all the exercises.

If the caveman is motivated by the flight from the ferocious animal, I am motivated by the joy of life that I have when I check on the list all the proofs confirming me that I have the perfect relationship with my husband. As an aside, in an episode of a sitcom I like, the wife reads out loud and excited each unfulfilled task by checking each one of them. Her husband, very puzzled, comes and asks her what is happening. His wife, full of enthusiasm, replies that she feels an extraordinary satisfaction that she can check everything she can’t do at the moment. If she can’t have other successes, at least she can be happy to check this list of her unsuccesses. Every time I remember that scene, I happily think about my life, my own lists and I think that if I don’t manage to do what I set out to do, I can also check the failures. If I managed to make you smile thinking about your endless to-do list, please look at your life with enthusiasm and confidence, by simply enjoying the life you have, because now you know what to do and you can polish it so that it becomes exactly the way you want it.

It is very important, as I mentioned in the description of the SMART goal, to be able to measure the results you attain. If you don’t quantify the obtained results, you cannot measure your evolution. You need a term of comparison between point A and point B. Even if your relationship is not perfect now, with every proof that you check you will have the satisfaction to see your progress. Each checked proof confirms that you are getting closer to the relationship you want with your partner. Your journey has its ups and downs. No matter how optimistic I am, your life will not be perfect just because you read this book.

Lorand Soares Szasz said that optimism and enthusiasm are like windshield wipers in the rain: they do not stop the storm, but they help you continue your journey safely. If your relationship has been challenging so far, I want you to know that challenges will continue to test you, at least for a while. But I demand you to pay attention to details such as frequency and intensity. One of my clients was very pleased with the progress made in his relationship with his wife, until the first quarrel. At the first meeting after the quarrel, he was discouraged. I, very serene, asked him how much time had passed between the last two quarrels, the answer I received was: more than a week. To the question: How often did they quarrel before? The answer was: almost daily. Going further, I asked him what the last quarrel was like. He was calm, so it was more of a heated discussion coming from her, and he was more a listener. My client realized that he was paying attention to his wife, he heard what she was saying, he realized that he did not react, and the discussion did not degenerate into a dispute. In fact, it was the first time he had heard what his wife had to say instead of arguing. In conclusion, their relationship was not yet rosy, but instead of seeing a problem, he saw progress.

The moment you have the perfect relationship with your partner, your joy can be measured by being aware of the various situations that confirm you that everything you experience is not just a delusion. To carry forward the process started yesterday, today you will find all the benefits of your relationship for you, for your family and for everyone you interact with. The strength to move forward is between the two extremes: What are you running away from? and Where are you heading to? Even if you feel motivated only by the answers to one of these questions, the other one seeming trivial or uninteresting, experience has its say: it is helpful you know what you want and what you don’t want. Both are important and keep you on the middle way. A co-worker confessed to me that his wife was cheating on him. He had been faithful to her throughout their whole relationship and she cheated on him on several occasions. Because he considered himself sincere with her, the conclusion we reached together was that he never decided for himself to have a faithful wife. He believed that it was enough to be faithful to receive faithfulness. Only when you know what you want, can you build the reality that will faithfully correspond to your dream.

You may be wondering why I didn’t start yesterday with these positive lists. My most sincere answer is that I let myself be guided by intuition. Before I see a house shining, I go to clean it and discover the hidden mess. I prefer to identify everything that can overshadow my happiness, and then lay out the bright symbols to look at with enthusiasm. If yesterday was difficult and it was difficult for you to identify what aspects you do not want to be present in your relationship, today will bring clarity by presenting all the aspects you want.

What I noticed when I made my first lists is that the same aspect can be passed on to the four lists. Let’s take a few examples for each list:

Your task for today is to identify all these benefits, all these confirmations that your relationship is as you described it on the first day. Some of the benefits found for you and your family will be similar to the hints of the definition you have given for the relationship you want. I remind you and emphasize for today: the number of sufferings and benefits in each list must be equal, at least 10 for each list. It sounds challenging, but on the previous model you can complete an adapted indicator in each of the four lists. I specify that there is no need for these identified aspects to be linked. I left this example to inspire you if it is difficult for you to identify evidence about the sufferings or benefits that motivate you to have the perfect relationship.

I want to bring an argument now for why you need these four lists and not two or three, also for why you need them to be balanced. On the one hand, you identify the two categories: sufferings and benefits. On the other hand, you follow the impact on yourself and others.

I told you that the caveman was motivated to run because he knew from whom he had to protect himself in order to survive. I also told you that I am motivated to fulfill my intention, because I know what I want to achieve. We live in a dual world in which the object you are looking at will always have two extremes, for example: up-down, left-right, hot-cold, light-dark, big-small, etc. These motivators are like the faces of a coin – we can’t detach the face of a coin. When you tear a sheet of paper in half, it will have the left and right sides again. As you head towards your goal, looking backwards you see what you are running from, and looking forward you will see what you are heading towards. Like a driver who drives carefully, periodically, you assure yourself in the rearview mirrors, but you keep the focus on the road in front of you.

The other aspect of these lists is about you and others. Why do you have to think about the others? No matter what religion you believe in, you will see notions about the importance of love for your neighbor, no matter who he is. We will deepen during the journey a notion meant to further strengthen what each religion says about the love of neighbor, but for today I emphasize that, thinking about the positive or negative impact that your happiness can have on others, you will be motivated to change your mood, to enjoy with them a new way of looking at the world from now on. On the other hand, if you think only of yourself, ignoring the well-being of others, you are selfish, and your subconscious will oppose doing good only to you. Your happiness cannot be achieved through the unhappiness of others. There is an interdependence between your well-being and those around you. Your happiness is reflected in the happiness of others, and you need to see others happy to be fully happy.

Why isn’t it enough to think only of others? Do you know how a child who doesn’t get attention behaves? A child who doesn’t receive positive attention will do his best to attract negative attention. If you do not think about your own benefits, the subconscious, although it is eager to see the happiness of others, will sabotage your success, no matter how noble the cause for which you want your success. You need to be aware of the benefits for you, respectively the suffering to avoid, in the relationship with your partner. These benefits will make you dream with your eyes open to this relationship until the day when what you dreamed about became reality.

I ask you to complete the two lists of benefits, using the previous model. Other examples are: your friends are eager to spend time with you, to connect with your extraordinary energy, you have a partner with whom to share the joys of each day, you have support and encouragement to make things better and better, and so on.

Exercises for day 3:

Complete 2 lists with the same number of benefits, minimum 10 for each:

□ List of benefits for you and your family, in case you have the perfect relationship.

□ List the benefits for others, if you have the perfect relationship.

Reread the intention set on the first day so that every day you can remember your goal for these 28 days.

Challenge of the day:

Choose one of the written benefits and think about it. What does it mean for you? Be aware of the feelings that come to the surface when you realize that experiencing this benefit is an indicator of the perfect relationship you want! Imagine how you would feel when you have the perfect relationship!

Recommendation of the day:

Le livre Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood is a stand-alone title. When you give too much love to your partner, there is something to heal inside yourself. If you want to understand why some women love too much, if you feel that you are giving too much love, it is a compulsory reading for you.

Statement of the day:

I choose to live happily today