Day 1 – What is Your Heart Desire?

Be realistic, always wish the impossible.

Paulo Coelho

I am wondering if you, like me, ever let yourself be manipulated, without ever realizing what is going on, believing that you are just a frail thread in the wind. How long have you thought that your free will is just an illusion and that there is no sense in trying to change anything, as long as it is already decided for you? Did you ever felt like a puppet maneuvered by someone who doesn’t reveal himself?

Certainly, I have asked myself many times if I can live my life the way I wish to. There is this image imprinted in my mind from a caricature book: a cow that was going to a slaughterhouse and the only options available are to choose between the right door or the left door, the ending result remaining the same. This is what I believed about choices: they are an illusion. 

However, this is not the reason why the two of us are having this chat now, in this present moment. In a different circumstance, I’ve learnt the importance of conscious decisions, and what kind of implications can the lack of clarity bring in all our actions. I can assure you there is no need for you to actually see the end result when you embark on this journey. The most fair example is revealed in the movie The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, where one of the characters explained the route of a journey by car during the night. As a driver you know clearly where you want to go, you know you will reach your destination. On that road, at night, the headlights will light up only 100 meters ahead of you, but that does not stop you from moving forward with the certainty that you will reach your destination.

I am sharing this with you just to underline that the first step of the journey we are starting together is for you to make the choice of the destination you wish to go to. You will arrive safely and on time at your destination, once you set your destination and follow the instructions, even if you know nothing about where the road is heading on after the first turn.

Furthermore, the most common mistakes you can make once you embark on your journey, is to focus on places that you don’t want to go to. Imagine that you get to a city where you have never been to before, you get in a taxi and wait for it to take you to your destination. The driver politely asks you, “Miss, where do you want to go?” And you answer, “I don’t want to go to the opera.” “Okay Miss, so where do you want to go?” Your answer insists with the same: “I don’t want to go to the stadium either.” “Perfect, Miss, where am I taking you?”

I know you are smiling, but just ask yourself how many choices in life you have made following this pattern “I don’t want this” or “everything else that happens will be perfect, as long as something specific doesn’t happen“? Not to mention the feeling of deep disappointment that followed just because you really didn’t wish for what you actually got.

What is there to be done? As you are preparing to ask me this question … I’ll go ahead of you because … that’s what I’m here for – to answer all your questions. Now, what’s the logical answer of the young lady in the taxi in order to be able to reach her destination? “I want to go to …” and name the destination where you want the taxi to take you to.

This is how our journey together begins. The first step of this journey, the most important first step, is to know what you want. Even if this book is based on a program aimed at rekindling love in the couple, the first person helped is the person who goes through the steps. Love in the couple is the bonus that comes when you love the person you see in the mirror in the morning. I felt compelled to share this aspect with you because this book is right for you, no matter at what level you are in your personal development. If you have this book in your hands and you read it, it means that it is the right time to read it. If you already know everything you are going to read about in this book, it means that this reading is meant to confirm to you that everything you have done so far has been good and to help you deepen, resume the routine of good habits and increase what I like to call the magic of your life.

This first step is very important because it is essential to establish a destination that will keep alive your drive during the journey. If your focus gets lost during the journey, you will forget the book on the nightstand and you won’t be interested to continue. This does not mean that my advice is wrong, but that your intention doesn’t motivate you. At this very point I want to encourage you and confirm that during this journey, you can adjust your intention, so that, from the very first moment of the day, you feel shivers of joy, thinking about the wonderful feeling of your intention being fulfilled.

You may have already read about the goals that need to be SMART, namely Specific, Measurable, Ambitious / Accessible, Realistic / Relevant and Timely. Well, in our case we will seek to meet these conditions only partially. Certainly your intention is specific: your intention will be specific and I will detail immediately how to be as specific as possible. It is an intention because we will have indicators that will confirm the fulfillment of the intention. It is a measurable intention, ambitious, but also accessible. Regarding the realistic part, it may be possible that the thing which you want now, looks beyond feasible, it is likely that your relationship seems now beyond any chance of recovery. A goal should have a time limit, a deadline. The movie that inspired me to make such a program for the first time tells the story of a firefighter who receives a diary from his father in which he presents tasks to do for 30 days. After 39 days, his wife still did not think lovingly of her husband. On the fortieth day she finds his diary, reads it and understands the change she has seen over the last days. When he comes to take care of her because she is ill, he finds her crying in the bed, and, amid tears, she asks him how many days in the diary he is. When he answers that it is the 40’th day, she tells him that there are only 30 days in the diary. His answer was the cornerstone of my work: “And who says I have to stop?” Therefore, your goal doesn’t have to be limited in time because, if you apply every step and begin to have more and more confidence in the journey you have started, the day of the reward will come, that day when your intention is fulfilled.

Let’s go back to how your intention should be written – if until now we have seen what is not important, let’s get to what is important. You set the intention for this journey so that it is addressed to your subconscious. Throughout the book you will notice that some days I do not delve into some aspects, all the information in this book is available in various personal or scientific development books, and I want you to feel like this book is the conversation between two friends. That being said, I’m sure you’ll enjoy reading and understand why I want to address the subconscious. If you’re like me, you’ve already read books, you’ve already watched movies that inspired you, and yet you’re wondering why you didn’t get the results you want in your relationship. Sure, in the short term you felt changes for the better, but something seemed to be happening and the fragile construction of a new beginning collapsed, again, before it came to shape. The reason? A conscious decision does not stand up to your beliefs. And your beliefs are imprinted in the subconscious. Is that supposed to scare you? Not at all! You do not have your beliefs from birth, but you have acquired them by interacting with the outside world, you have received them from other people or by repeating certain actions. Because you were not born with them, they can be replaced by other beliefs. This first step is closely related to your beliefs about romantic relationships. The way you start the process of breaking your belief patterns is to establish the intention for this journey, and through the exercises presented at the end of each chapter, you will see how your beliefs about relationships change.

The question has become simple, the answer is also outlined. For the intention to be clear, it must be short. To imprint it on the subconscious, it must be expressed in the present tense and in the affirmative. Examples of such an intention are: “I have a fulfilled relationship with my partner” or “I have the perfect relationship with my husband”.

All good and beautiful so far, these are such simple phrases. Did you think this is over? What does a fulfilled relationship with your partner mean to you? Most definitely, my definition is very different from yours. Apart from a general description of a perfect relationship, if you want to really know what such a relationship means to you, it is good to ask yourself questions that will bring you more clarity. So, for this first day, you have an extra task. Open a new page in the diary and write down the intention for these 28 days of travel, using a short, positive wording at the present time, following the examples above, and then answer the question “What is the confirmation for me that I have such a relationship?” and write down the answer that comes to your mind every time you ask yourself. Repeat the question until you have finished writing down all the aspects that are necessary to confirm that your relationship is exactly as you want it to be. Because the reasons can be very different from one couple to another I will give you some examples, but please complete at least 20 proofs of the perfect relationship with your partner: we spend at least 30 minutes together every day, we go out on a date together weekly, we go out in the woods for long walks together every weekend, he gives me flowers at least once a month, he encourages me to go out and he is happy if I go out with the girls, we trust each other, we appreciate our families, the discussions between us are calm and constructive, he takes the children to school and / or activities, he spends time with the children, he is interested in my activities, he tells me the challenges he goes through, we prepare dinner together every night, I cook and he washes the dishes, he irons the clothes, etc.

Don’t think that you can’t find at least 20 proofs. After starting this process of introspection, you will want to know what are the elements that bring you the feeling of fulfillment in your relationship. When you know what you want, you realize what you can do in order to get it. So, if it takes you a week to search for these proofs, don’t stop looking for them. Even if I advise you to make this list today, to stay in front of your diary until you have a deep feeling of relief, a confirmation that everything is now written in blue ink on white paper, do not be discouraged if you don’t have the time today or if you fail to find all the answers. Along the way, you can come back to this list and add things you have not thought of by now. Surely, you must have dreamed of an ideal relationship throughout your life. Allow yourself to live it on this sheet of diary, with as many details as possible. Allow yourself to describe the relationship you want, what your partner offers you, but also what you offer to him, because a fulfilled relationship comes not only from what he does for you, but also from what you do for him.

Next, I invite you to spend a moment with you. I invite you to get to the facts, to sit with a pen in hand and write , on a piece of paper, the exercise for the first day.

In order to be motivated to take a step every day towards the relationship you dream of, you need to know what you want. For this, your journey begins with a detailed description of the relationship you want, in the form of a list, with all that it means. There isn’t too much information, the more detailed the list, the happier you will be when you will see how the proofs on the list are met during your journey.

Exercises for day 1:

□ Decide the intention for these 28 days, for example: “I have a fulfilled relationship with my partner.”

□ Mark the indicators that confirm you live the fulfilled relationship you want to have with your partner. Number them down in a list and make sure you have at least 20 of them.

Challenge of the day:

□ Tell a person whom you trust that you have started a 28-day journey to transform your relationship.

Recommendation of the day:

The movie Fireproof (2008) is the story of a firefighter, appreciated by the whole city for the dedication with which he saves the lives of citizens, but who is not appreciated by his own wife. I’ll let you find out what happens when he receives a diary from his father.

Statement of the day:

I look to the future with confidence and I trust the unknown